even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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