Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize