I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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