1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize