Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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