He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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