At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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