Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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