So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize