eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
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I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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