Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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