saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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