Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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