so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize