Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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