I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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