i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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