I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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