omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize