Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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