U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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