I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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