You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize