my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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