I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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