Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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