Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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