so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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