i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize