mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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