I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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