hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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