am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize