Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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