How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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