Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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