I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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