I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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