I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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