i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Couch. On fire.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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