Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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