I want to have your abortion
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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