Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize