i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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