either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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