i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize