textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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