I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize