You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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