all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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